Hey, I just joined, but I've had an eating disorder for about 8 years. I am supposed to be in recovery so I am not going to give a lot of detail on here so it won't be recognized that I am not by any means recovered. I was wondering if anyone on here is either fasting or heavily restricting before Easter/spring break? There are exactly 14 days left. If anyone would be interested I will do it with you. :)
When I'm angry or uncomfortable, I drink coffee. Alot of it. I'm talking about the whole coffee thing,which is like 5 cups. My mom compared it to my dad's alcohol abuse. I'm still confused. The only thing I can get right is that coffee numbs every emotion & I become extremely emotionless.But being emotionless drives me to cut- which doesn't make me happy at all cause I want to stop.
DOES THIS MAKE SENSE?
WHAT ARE YOUR VIEWS ON THIS?
- Music:Dulce Liquido
Well yeah, I didnt get drunk. My friend bailed because she was 'too tired', but most likely went out with this other girl instead. I thought she would have made the effort even if she was tired, as I hadnt seen her in a month and probably wont see her again for a few more months. So instead of getting wasted I've spent the night pigging out and looking up various quotes.
...took me way longer than anticipated...but anywho...
xo
( Quotes and pictures )
Last night one of my best guy friends came over and he looks so much thinner then before. He told me he lost 30 lbs in the last 2 months. He's been restricting and purging a lot. I want to tell him to stop, but he's not going to listen anyway, it's already consumed him. I feel like I finally have someone I can talk to about my EdNos without being judged. He inspires me..is that wrong?
well hey there gorgeous
i've been missing this week
exam week & just ridiculously busy
several celebratory spring break parties
and when i weighed myself yesterday
i was up two pounds, but i thought it was going to be much worse
today i was down one, so almost back.
my BMI is a 19.9
god i remember when it was a 17.7
oh to be back to those days.
i usually don't set goals, because at school i don't have access to a scale
but since i'm home i'm going to
right now i'm at 135 (5'9") by the end of spring break, 8 days, i will be 130
that is 5 pounds in 8 days, good & realistic and i might actually achieve it.
if i can get through this weekend it'll be easy
all day i'm home alone so all i have to worry about is dinner
which since i gave up red meat for lent and can't eat meat on fridays
my parents are perfectly fine with me just having a small side salad.
todays plan:
well its supposed to get up to 65-70 degrees today
so me & my family are going for a walk on the beach
(i live on the coast of new england, & we're obsessed with the beach)
lunch i'll have to eat, but i'll just be smart
& dinner i'll just nap through
i hope everyone has a great day!
"The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the hear t." Helen Keller
i've been missing this week
exam week & just ridiculously busy
several celebratory spring break parties
and when i weighed myself yesterday
i was up two pounds, but i thought it was going to be much worse
today i was down one, so almost back.
my BMI is a 19.9
god i remember when it was a 17.7
oh to be back to those days.
i usually don't set goals, because at school i don't have access to a scale
but since i'm home i'm going to
right now i'm at 135 (5'9") by the end of spring break, 8 days, i will be 130
that is 5 pounds in 8 days, good & realistic and i might actually achieve it.
if i can get through this weekend it'll be easy
all day i'm home alone so all i have to worry about is dinner
which since i gave up red meat for lent and can't eat meat on fridays
my parents are perfectly fine with me just having a small side salad.
todays plan:
well its supposed to get up to 65-70 degrees today
so me & my family are going for a walk on the beach
(i live on the coast of new england, & we're obsessed with the beach)
lunch i'll have to eat, but i'll just be smart
& dinner i'll just nap through
i hope everyone has a great day!
"The most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched, they must be felt with the hear t." Helen Keller
Im back Dolls,
I’m a pathetic excuse of a person at times. Today is no different.
As you can see I’m back, my laptop has been broken for WEEKS and I haven’t had private access to a computer to come on here, so my binging and purging has been out of control.
I actually worry that the next time I do purge…it wont be just the food that comes up as I feel my body is slowly but surely packing in. Maybe I’m just being paranoid…
Summary of my recent life: Academically I’ve improved from C’s/D’s to straight A’s and the odd B in my classes and report. However REAL life is complicated. My sister who I’m now really close to and love so much is now going out with a guy I REALLY liked.
She didn’t know of course, no one did as I’m quite private, so it really is killing me inside when I see the two of them together. She deserves to be happy though, her last bf was a complete waste of space and this new guy is great…
Today is the first day of getting back on track. Soup for dinner later and an unlimited supply of water and black coffee in attempt to quit binging and purging for good.
How is everyone? It really does feel great to be back and see people I’m used to seeing :)
Mel xxx
- Mood:
blah
Hi everyone. I'm Cat and I'm fairly new to this site. I've suffered with anorexia for 4 years, with fluctuating weight from 145- to 115.
I feel like I'm hitting rock bottom, where I'm loosing everything I've worked so hard to achieve.
I have recently moved school, and its the worst thing I've ever done. I feel so alone, I don't fit in with any girls in my year, I only get on with the lads. (I'm not a tomboy by the way.) I always feel crap when there's an upcoming 6Th form party event , and everyone goes to their own pre planned house party before the event, and I'm left at home, getting ready up by myself. I don't understand why no-one likes me, ive only been nice to everyone and i always make an effort to treat people as I would like to be treated back. I used to be quite popular in the school I used to go to, so I know (it sounds odd for me to say but )I'm not socially retarded.
Also just as a cherry on top of the cake, I'm failing my AS-level exams, where I used to be a straight A student in everything. And my boyfrend I've been dating for 3 years has quite obviously become bored of my company (i can just tell by the way he acts). And also ive just binged on my fave food- consumed all those calories- and didn't even enjoy it. I guess its now..HELLO TREADMIL.
Why does nothing go right for me ??
HELP PLEASE!
I feel like I'm hitting rock bottom, where I'm loosing everything I've worked so hard to achieve.
I have recently moved school, and its the worst thing I've ever done. I feel so alone, I don't fit in with any girls in my year, I only get on with the lads. (I'm not a tomboy by the way.) I always feel crap when there's an upcoming 6Th form party event , and everyone goes to their own pre planned house party before the event, and I'm left at home, getting ready up by myself. I don't understand why no-one likes me, ive only been nice to everyone and i always make an effort to treat people as I would like to be treated back. I used to be quite popular in the school I used to go to, so I know (it sounds odd for me to say but )I'm not socially retarded.
Also just as a cherry on top of the cake, I'm failing my AS-level exams, where I used to be a straight A student in everything. And my boyfrend I've been dating for 3 years has quite obviously become bored of my company (i can just tell by the way he acts). And also ive just binged on my fave food- consumed all those calories- and didn't even enjoy it. I guess its now..HELLO TREADMIL.
Why does nothing go right for me ??
HELP PLEASE!
- Location:Wales
- Mood:
blah
Hello Dolls
Once again I have returned, I need support more than ever right now
things are starting to go well in regards to my modelling career and the future looks promising
only problem is everybody around me keeps making me eat
yes there was a little intervention again ¬_¬
even my manager makes me get food from the chip shop after work at 3am & wont let me go until im finished!
not even been near the scales but i imagin that im around 140lbs, or thats how i feel.
I do need to weigh myself though as I am modelling next Sunday at a fashion show, summer & swimwear yey! :S
so so tired & have zero energy to exercise but I really want to start pole dancing, during the day though as my nights are normally busy
that way i'd be combining work and execise and making good money
& I need money as I have been headhunted by 2 photographers who really want to do shoots with me
but one is in france & the other in germany
but yeah thats my updates
& how have you all been?
oo and there may be a new boy on the cards XD first time in 9 months lol
Once again I have returned, I need support more than ever right now
things are starting to go well in regards to my modelling career and the future looks promising
only problem is everybody around me keeps making me eat
yes there was a little intervention again ¬_¬
even my manager makes me get food from the chip shop after work at 3am & wont let me go until im finished!
not even been near the scales but i imagin that im around 140lbs, or thats how i feel.
I do need to weigh myself though as I am modelling next Sunday at a fashion show, summer & swimwear yey! :S
so so tired & have zero energy to exercise but I really want to start pole dancing, during the day though as my nights are normally busy
that way i'd be combining work and execise and making good money
& I need money as I have been headhunted by 2 photographers who really want to do shoots with me
but one is in france & the other in germany
but yeah thats my updates
& how have you all been?
oo and there may be a new boy on the cards XD first time in 9 months lol
Im jealous of the people i see and look at every day who aee happy wit themselves and go out each day without thinkinof calories, fat and what they can and cannot eat. The sit happily in restaurants with friends and family enjoying life and everything.
I just cant.....but i also know im not jealous of what they look like.....and i know if i did the same and enjoyed life and socialising and didnt spend my life at the gym, eventually it will end in depression because i'll be fat and my clothes wont hang and i will hate myself.
I just cant.....but i also know im not jealous of what they look like.....and i know if i did the same and enjoyed life and socialising and didnt spend my life at the gym, eventually it will end in depression because i'll be fat and my clothes wont hang and i will hate myself.
I'm having a rather unpleasant day.
was okay all morning, until i got home and made my soup.and my mum saying EAT NACHOS EAT NACHOS WITH US , why does she want me to be so obese, i declined as useual. i also got stood up by friends. and now find myself with a bottle of vodka and no body to drink it with, majority of my friends are away for the weekend(i couldn't go as i had to work this morning)
or there too hungover from last night (i didn't drink last night because i had to work today).
fuck work, fuck me.
i want to shot the entire bottle, and you know whats stopping me. fucking calories. always stopping me from enjoying anything.
ahhhh, need to go somewhere and scream the guy i used to get with invited me for drinks. but i hate being the only girl with all of his mates at the pub.i hate being out in public, im too embarresd. i seriously dont know what to do with myself. i could walk all night ..but it's raining,and kinda dangerous.
someone help cheer me up:(
33 cals today(why the fuck does that sound too much)
how have all of your days been?
good i hope xxx
was okay all morning, until i got home and made my soup.and my mum saying EAT NACHOS EAT NACHOS WITH US , why does she want me to be so obese, i declined as useual. i also got stood up by friends. and now find myself with a bottle of vodka and no body to drink it with, majority of my friends are away for the weekend(i couldn't go as i had to work this morning)
or there too hungover from last night (i didn't drink last night because i had to work today).
fuck work, fuck me.
i want to shot the entire bottle, and you know whats stopping me. fucking calories. always stopping me from enjoying anything.
ahhhh, need to go somewhere and scream the guy i used to get with invited me for drinks. but i hate being the only girl with all of his mates at the pub.i hate being out in public, im too embarresd. i seriously dont know what to do with myself. i could walk all night ..but it's raining,and kinda dangerous.
someone help cheer me up:(
33 cals today(why the fuck does that sound too much)
how have all of your days been?
good i hope xxx
I'm having a rather unpleasant day.
was okay all morning, until i got home and made my soup.and my mum saying EAT NACHOS EAT NACHOS WITH US , why does she want me to be so obese, i declined as useual. i also got stood up by friends. and now find myself with a bottle of vodka and no body to drink it with, majority of my friends are away for the weekend(i couldn't go as i had to work this morning)
or there too hungover from last night (i didn't drink last night because i had to work today).
fuck work, fuck me.
i want to shot the entire bottle, and you know whats stopping me. fucking calories. always stopping me from enjoying anything.
ahhhh, need to go somewhere and scream the guy i used to get with invited me for drinks. but i hate being the only girl with all of his mates at the pub.i hate being out in public, im too embarresd. i seriously dont know what to do with myself. i could walk all night ..but it's raining, and kinda dangerous.
someone help cheer me up:(
33 cals today(why the fuck does that sound too much)
how have all of your days been?
good i hope xxx
was okay all morning, until i got home and made my soup.and my mum saying EAT NACHOS EAT NACHOS WITH US , why does she want me to be so obese, i declined as useual. i also got stood up by friends. and now find myself with a bottle of vodka and no body to drink it with, majority of my friends are away for the weekend(i couldn't go as i had to work this morning)
or there too hungover from last night (i didn't drink last night because i had to work today).
fuck work, fuck me.
i want to shot the entire bottle, and you know whats stopping me. fucking calories. always stopping me from enjoying anything.
ahhhh, need to go somewhere and scream the guy i used to get with invited me for drinks. but i hate being the only girl with all of his mates at the pub.i hate being out in public, im too embarresd. i seriously dont know what to do with myself. i could walk all night ..but it's raining, and kinda dangerous.
someone help cheer me up:(
33 cals today(why the fuck does that sound too much)
how have all of your days been?
good i hope xxx
Thank you all for your tips and encouragement to stop bingeing after my post last night.
They all really helped.
& I am happy to report that I did not binge tonight
& its all thanks to you.
So thanks again!
<3you are all amazing
Stay strong :)
- Mood:
accomplished - Music:criminal minds
So I dont think I lost any weight this week like I had hoped, I havent weighed myself like at all this week so i really dont know but i feel like i didnt, but what do u expect it was spring break and I did absolutely nothing all week but stay at home so me eating a bunch was pretty expected, but its ok. Im going to Six Flags tomorrow and probably wont really eat anything and walking all day long in the heat im bound to lose somthing then, right? I hope. But anyways school starts back Monday so hopefully I will get back on track and start losing weight again.
I hope everyone has been doing lovely. And thanks for all the supporting replies I get on my entries, i dont know what I would do without you ladies! =]
I hope everyone has been doing lovely. And thanks for all the supporting replies I get on my entries, i dont know what I would do without you ladies! =]
- Mood:
giggly
I have sooo many things to do today but i can't do anything am so depressed and tired...
yesterday was my last day with the cabbage soup diet and today i weighed myself after a whole week of not touching the scale! and i gained!!! i have no idea how. people tell me i look thinner and i am supposed to lose weight but i have no idea what is going on. maybe it is because when they said "eat as much as you want" from something, i really ate as much as i wanted :S
last time i weighed was after two huge binging episodes and i checked my bmi was 17.5 and today it is 17.8! i know it isn't much of a gain but why the hell did that happen? ugh...
so i binged now. big time. and i don't even WANT to purge. am tired of this.
my body is just fucked up. this whole thing is messed up i don't understand myself anymore. sometimes i eat an apple and i purge now i binge and i just simply don't want to purge?
*sigh*
yesterday was my last day with the cabbage soup diet and today i weighed myself after a whole week of not touching the scale! and i gained!!! i have no idea how. people tell me i look thinner and i am supposed to lose weight but i have no idea what is going on. maybe it is because when they said "eat as much as you want" from something, i really ate as much as i wanted :S
last time i weighed was after two huge binging episodes and i checked my bmi was 17.5 and today it is 17.8! i know it isn't much of a gain but why the hell did that happen? ugh...
so i binged now. big time. and i don't even WANT to purge. am tired of this.
my body is just fucked up. this whole thing is messed up i don't understand myself anymore. sometimes i eat an apple and i purge now i binge and i just simply don't want to purge?
*sigh*
im at tiffany's again. today i just totally fucked up.
95 cals in cereal, icecream, 40 cals, 2 fruit bars 280 cals, 2 handfuls of hersheys kisses like 1000 calories, kfc 3piece chicken strips idk, and finally i told them i was full. tomorrow i will not eat anything. i will wake up b4 ne1 nd say i had 2 bowls of cereal. were goin 2 fairfeild 2 morrow or however u spell it... totally country part. tiffanys family is like all redneck. they even talk like it. ughh but i like some of the music and there cool, its w/e.
hopefully tiff will let me walk a lot and skipp lunch 'accidentally' cuz her step dad has 15 acres :D YAY :DDD
cant wait. i need some help tho.
how can i say no to all this food they shove in my face???
then what 2 say wen they ask why im not eating and some 4 sneaking food and getting rid of it
95 cals in cereal, icecream, 40 cals, 2 fruit bars 280 cals, 2 handfuls of hersheys kisses like 1000 calories, kfc 3piece chicken strips idk, and finally i told them i was full. tomorrow i will not eat anything. i will wake up b4 ne1 nd say i had 2 bowls of cereal. were goin 2 fairfeild 2 morrow or however u spell it... totally country part. tiffanys family is like all redneck. they even talk like it. ughh but i like some of the music and there cool, its w/e.
hopefully tiff will let me walk a lot and skipp lunch 'accidentally' cuz her step dad has 15 acres :D YAY :DDD
cant wait. i need some help tho.
how can i say no to all this food they shove in my face???
then what 2 say wen they ask why im not eating and some 4 sneaking food and getting rid of it
- Location:Tiffany's :\
I forgot to post my stats!
sorry girlies
anyway long story short im disgusting and going tom, i will be thin and free
not the fat girl on the side, worrying if the guys are staring at her horrific thunder thighs
stats:
Height: 5'1 and 3/4
Weight...DONT VOMIT OR CHOKE 145.6
highest:145+
lowest:124
goal:130
goal 2: 124
goal 3:115 and lower
I feel so pathetic i plan on staying under 700 a day, do u girls think this will work
The mom monitors my breakfast and dinner,, askig what ate
WTF! S\DOes she wnat me to be nasty????
had a huge binge fast of 1000 cals or more
AHH!
sorry girlies
anyway long story short im disgusting and going tom, i will be thin and free
not the fat girl on the side, worrying if the guys are staring at her horrific thunder thighs
stats:
Height: 5'1 and 3/4
Weight...DONT VOMIT OR CHOKE 145.6
highest:145+
lowest:124
goal:130
goal 2: 124
goal 3:115 and lower
I feel so pathetic i plan on staying under 700 a day, do u girls think this will work
The mom monitors my breakfast and dinner,, askig what ate
WTF! S\DOes she wnat me to be nasty????
had a huge binge fast of 1000 cals or more
AHH!
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
why aren't i stronger then you?
smoked today, did nothing, ate nothing. i had serious munchies but for some reason being painfully hunger felt good.
flashbacks. wont. go. away.
why aren't i stronger then you?
smoked today, did nothing, ate nothing. i had serious munchies but for some reason being painfully hunger felt good.
flashbacks. wont. go. away.
well alot happened this week.................i coughed out blood beforeand it happened again its happening more and more and you know what i tell myself "just go with it"
like usual........ like purging i say "just go with it"
cutting: "just go with it"
excersising till i shake faint and puke i say"just go with it"
i just have one goal that is to be thin and fuck the rest
ugh i need to.........nevermind
My fucking boyfriend is perpetually two hours late give or take.
Doesn't call, doesn't text, if he does lies and says he's on his way.
Sometmes leaves his phone in the car os I think he's dead.
Doesn't do that for anyone else, people he hates, whoever- just me.
I'm fasting for as long as I cna take it.
I need to feel control, feel proud, spite him.
I am so tired if this shit.
And if he expects me to live wiht him and help pay his bills if he's going to act like this, he's fucking wrong.
I'm going to need to start spontaneously going out with the friends I ignore for him for hours on end without explanation or comfort.
I had to cry and pop xanax and text his best friend just to see if he was alive.
Fucking asshole.
Doesn't call, doesn't text, if he does lies and says he's on his way.
Sometmes leaves his phone in the car os I think he's dead.
Doesn't do that for anyone else, people he hates, whoever- just me.
I'm fasting for as long as I cna take it.
I need to feel control, feel proud, spite him.
I am so tired if this shit.
And if he expects me to live wiht him and help pay his bills if he's going to act like this, he's fucking wrong.
I'm going to need to start spontaneously going out with the friends I ignore for him for hours on end without explanation or comfort.
I had to cry and pop xanax and text his best friend just to see if he was alive.
Fucking asshole.
So sorry my iPod won't let me do a cut so this may trigger some people..
For those of you who don't know me- I'm Selina and am 17 years old.
It's been a hell of a month. My ex boyfriend and I fought constintly and it caused so much stress in my life. I ended up si or sh myself on Thursday and Sunday . I ended up confessing and shoeing my ex and he got so scared and upset he called the cops. If he didn't do that I would have maybe died. I almost cut a vein and I was so suicidal. I owe him my life :( he just kept saying Selina you need help. Selina if you cut a vein you'd be dead within the hour. I can't get his face and voice out of my head . It's the only thing stopping me from doing it again tbh.
My mom told my aunt and now they r worried about me. So is my guidance counselor school psyc and my ex and a friend of my mine. I only wanted to myself and I hurt so many others :(
my dad and I have been fighting too. I'm so damn frustrated. My Ed is getting worse too. Usually i don't even want to eat anymore. School is stressing me out too. Everything feels like too much. I'm down to 105 lbs and i feel like a cow. 18 for my bmi disgusting! 20 inch waist yuck ! I can't wait to be 100 lbs. I went to the mall and my size 0s are fitting looser and I can only fit in xs clothes. It's spring time ! Only I'm still rlly cold most of the time. Shorts and bathing suits make me so anxiouss.
how are you all doing ?
Ily all <3
For those of you who don't know me- I'm Selina and am 17 years old.
It's been a hell of a month. My ex boyfriend and I fought constintly and it caused so much stress in my life. I ended up si or sh myself on Thursday and Sunday . I ended up confessing and shoeing my ex and he got so scared and upset he called the cops. If he didn't do that I would have maybe died. I almost cut a vein and I was so suicidal. I owe him my life :( he just kept saying Selina you need help. Selina if you cut a vein you'd be dead within the hour. I can't get his face and voice out of my head . It's the only thing stopping me from doing it again tbh.
My mom told my aunt and now they r worried about me. So is my guidance counselor school psyc and my ex and a friend of my mine. I only wanted to myself and I hurt so many others :(
my dad and I have been fighting too. I'm so damn frustrated. My Ed is getting worse too. Usually i don't even want to eat anymore. School is stressing me out too. Everything feels like too much. I'm down to 105 lbs and i feel like a cow. 18 for my bmi disgusting! 20 inch waist yuck ! I can't wait to be 100 lbs. I went to the mall and my size 0s are fitting looser and I can only fit in xs clothes. It's spring time ! Only I'm still rlly cold most of the time. Shorts and bathing suits make me so anxiouss.
how are you all doing ?
Ily all <3
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